What you react to, is your reality

A Life-Changing Session: Encounter with an Extraordinary Couple

I met with an incredible couple yesterday via Zoom for an engaging two-hour session. It turned out to be an absolutely life-changing power meeting! For the sake of anonymity, I’ll change their names to protect the innocent and the guilty in this story (ha ha).

Diving Right In: The Argument

The session began with some light small talk, but Yolanda, eager to get started, quickly dove into the deep end. She recounted a heated argument she had with her husband Stevie earlier in the week.

It’s worth mentioning that these aren’t their actual names; rather, they are the names they gave their egos. I encourage all my clients to name their egos. This practice helps them to separate themselves from their ego by addressing it as a separate entity. By envisioning their ego in a chair before them, calling it by name, and speaking to it, they find it easier to detach. You cannot identify with your ego if you are addressing it. Thus, “you,” the “real self,” can engage with the “false self,” allowing you to identify with your true self instead of the ego’s issues.

The Cold Lunch Incident

Returning to the story, it seems that earlier in the week, little Stevie had rudely interrupted Yolanda while she was immersing herself in her favorite hobby, bringing her a fresh, home-cooked lunch. Unfortunately, parts of the lunch were cold by the time it arrived before “Queen Yolanda” (ha ha).

In response, the queen simply said, “It’s cold, go warm it up!”

Poor little Stevie had labored over several pots for the meal and asked which part was cold so he could pinpoint which pot he needed to heat up. Before he could even process the request, Queen Yolanda retorted, “Never mind, I’ll just do it myself!” and stormed off to the kitchen to warm up her food.

Now, that’s not exactly how it played out, but it certainly makes for a more entertaining retelling (ha ha)!

Shifting Focus: No Blame, Just Ownership

Importantly, all my clients are aware that we won’t place blame on one another; rather, we own our “sh*t.” I am neither a therapist nor a counselor, and I don’t give relationship advice. I don’t focus on what the other person “did wrong”. My goal is not to focus on “the problem” or discuss “the problem” that only seems to snowball when we focus on it. I certainly do not want to meet weekly to focus on and discuss “the problem,” causing you to think about “the problem” all week, only to return and talk about “the problem” again. “The problem” won’t dissipate as long as we give it our attention and focus. Do you see my point? WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWS!

Understanding that the reality we perceive through our eyes is a projection from within, I consciously choose not to focus on anything external to them. Instead, we ask ourselves, “Why did I create that?” This approach removes blame and promotes ownership, allowing individuals to embrace their role as creators of their own lives. It encourages taking responsibility for the things that manifest in their reality, compelling them to confront their challenges and recognize that they have crafted the life they experience. Instead of going within and owning her “sh*t” and asking “why did I create this?” Queen Yolanda chose to go outside of herself and act as a victim asking “How could you do this TO me?”

Embracing Self-Discovery

Yolanda grasped this philosophy well and was genuinely eager to explore her personal growth by asking, “Why did I create that?” After sharing laughs about her reaction to the cold food and playfully chastising little Stevie for the audacity to slave over a hot stove only to serve the queen cold food (ha ha), we delved deeper. Together, we uncovered why Yolanda felt like a victim even when she was perfectly positioned to express immense gratitude.

As soon as I made my first observation about the situation, they both burst into laughter, instantly understanding what I meant.

Creating More of What You Desire

I said, “Be prepared for more cold food next week,” highlighting that the manner in which they “reacted” to their circumstances was exactly what they were ultimately creating more of in the future. There are likely many women reading this, aghast at the idea that Yolanda has what they have only dreamed of: a man who cooks and serves her. They would likely accept a cold plate of “cat food” with gratitude instead of complaining (ha ha).

But in all seriousness, the lesson here is this: What you react to is your reality. Had Yolanda responded with gratitude, the universe would have reflected back to her even more opportunities to express gratitude in her life—more home-cooked meals, more amazing experiences. Instead, by reacting as a “victim,” she inadvertently invited more opportunities to be a victim.

Reflections of the You-niverse

God created a “You-niverse” within you, which has an identical twin, “the universe,” that acts as a mirror. It may seem external, but it is actually projected from inside you. The energy, frequency, and vibration you emit from your “you-niverse” will be reflected back by the “universe.” It serves as a mirror and a teacher, revealing what is happening within you. It’s important not to react to what you have created; don’t respond to a projection. It’s like someone casting a shadow on a wall and running in fear from it—the shadow originated from them. By starting with that understanding, you will see your “reality” as a creator rather than a victim.

Digging for gold

Triggers are our “gold.” Most people get triggered, entertain the trigger, express themselves, get offended, and then move on with their lives. However, we cannot waste a good trigger. If it triggers you, it is “IN” you. It cannot trigger you if it is not “in” you first. This is the essence of the word “trigger.” What is it triggering? It touches a sensitive area deep within you that elicits a “reaction.” What many people fail to realize is that this “reaction” is shaping your reality. Now we have a “pattern” that snowballs as the cycle continues.

Final Thoughts

What you react to is your reality. If everything you see outwardly is projected from within, don’t react to the mirror. Don’t engage with a shadow on the wall. Instead, use it as a gift that shows you where you can grow. What hidden belief systems are creating this projection on the wall? If you see it outside of you, it means it is within you. If you want more opportunities to have hot food served to you while having fun and being a “queen” (ha ha), then react with gratitude. If you want more cold food in the future, be a “bitch.”

All joking aside, if you are interested in diving deeper and doing the hard work of dealing with your triggers. Check out my course “Why Am I Here?” it has helped many change their lives dramatically!

Coach Joe

iamoutofmymind.com